Unfortuately, as much as I want to know what happens next in Homestuck, AP Testing has taken up the commands in the the priority department. That said, I WILL resume this when all of that is done and never visited again. I apologize to all my followers and people who just save the blog, but don’t worry it’s not like Homestuck server page is going to shut down and wipe itself.

Until then!

I should’ve said this earlier, but I was hit with the necessity of real life. I will return to this when it settles, sorry for the sudden absence but I promise not to drop this.

[S] YOU THERE. BOY.

There’s this CAPS LOCK thing that’s apparently trying to talk with him? At first I thought it was the floaty harlequin thing, but I’m starting to think it’s someone else. And becuase of the fact that said person/thing has apparently never been in John’s house.

Ahaha.

I hope he’s safe, and more importantly,alive.

:( Wait, why is there Oil in his house.

Aw.

Pfft.

Rude! Is this even a person? Or is this just “us” breaking the 4th wall and ‘being interactive’ :\

Oh cod I accidently glitched it by right clicking.

And now it’s not loading.

I’ll… get back to it later I guess.

Okay… So I had this whole post up, and then it decides to get lost within the masses of the net, and even Tumblr couldn’t save it. And personally, I don’t feel like redoing the whole thing.

LONG STORY SHORT:

I am introduced to Rose Lalonde, who I figured out was TT after a while. Her mother is a bit scary and her actions are questionable, though I guess it would be near the same level as John’s Dad who is “serious” and “clownlike” but dresses like a businessman who bakes cakes?

John got an apple, the Meteor flew into him and I WTF’d and practically flipped and hoped that he was saved by plot hax. Rose writes this incredibly wordy GameFAQ thing and, from it, apparently the world was DOOMED and the Game has something to do with those not-so-random meteors as I first thought them out to be. The following are the pics that were going to be used, just imagine whatever you think I may have typed.

Kernelsprite, as it is called, no idea what just happened but going with the flow.

AND NOW I AM WALKING AROUND AS JOHN.

Rose: Retrieve arms from the purple box.

Not again.

The PURPLE PACKAGE’S contents are private! No one is allowed to look inside. 

?

Rose: Writhe like a flagellum and puke on your bed.

Ugh, what a terrible idea! The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach.

Is the same thing that happened with John going to happen with Rose too?

You captchalogue the VIOLIN, storing it the ROOT CARD of your SYLLADEX.

??

Oooh Rose can play the Violin! What’s up with all the musically talented kids.

You waste approximately 40 seconds playing the violin while your friend is in peril.

Nice time management skills there, sweetheart!

Wait what? OH. OH. Is Rose TT? That would make sense.

Yep, she’s TT.

Tree Modus, okay I’ll just go with it.

Your panoramic window offers a view of your yard below, and the mausoleum housing your dead cat, JASPERS, who died when you were young. Your MOM had the structure erected with a spirit of scornful IRONY in response to your youthfully innocent request to hold a funeral for the animal. At least, that is how you have come to interpret the gesture in retrospect.

As sad as that seems… UH!?

More sylladex silliness.

There’s a lot of wizards.

Oh geez that’s a bit ominous. 

Wow it is POURING. And not the slightest bit wet.

You first put your LAPTOP down on the floor to get it situated.

But removing it from the ROOT CARD causes all the branches and leaves to be severed! Your items are dumped unceremoniously on the floor.

 That sounds almost as inconvenient as John’s modus.

Meteor shower? Is that where John’s random meteor came from?

Rose: Stack laptop on Grimoire to maximize elevation.

You’ll need every advantage you can get.

Oh Rose. Sometimes I forget that they’re only 13.

Bam, back to the point… I guess? Actually, I’d be a bit wierded out if I knew someone, although a friend, controlled everything within my vicinity all of a sudden…

40 SECONDS !!!!

Rose: Put bathtub back.

PERFECTLY STRAIGHTENED OUT PRIORITIES.  

Thanks, I’ll keep an eye out. Said friend told me that if I was atually going to do the liveblog tumblr thing, then look for a lot of details. Whatever that means.

Thanks, I try my best. If I have anything to follow from the friend that introduced me to this, Homestuck’s got a really big fandom.

Alright since the scene has changed, I’ll use this as a place to stop until next time.

EB: this thing keeps following me around.
EB: i think it’s trying to talk to me or something.
TT: That is probably the “Kernelsprite”.
TT: It apparently needs to be “prototyped”.
TT: Twice, actually.
TT: Whatever the hell that means.
TT: These walkthroughs are horrendously written.
EB: hmm, ok.
EB: well, you are the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is the right thing to do!
EB: also, fix my bathroom.

 *insert more text* So, the mechanics of this game is interesting, you know, aside from the fact that it’s within the realms of the real world…

HOLY SHIT METEOR. WITH THE COUNTDOWN.

John: High-five Kernelsprite.

You figure you’ve left him hanging long enough.

JOHN SURE KNOWS HIS PRIORITIES.

Ahaha, beautiful. I’d be laughing more if it weren’t for the impending doom shootin gacross the sky.

TG: like the size of texas
TG: or just rhode island
TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us
TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG
TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick
TG: OH SNAP
TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter
TG: you mean like the planet?
TG: yeah
TG: well its that big sir
TG: hmm that sounds pretty big
TG: i have a question
TG: is it jupiter?
TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter
TG: OH SHIT
TG: anyway later

HOLY SHIT TG I CANT EVEN OH GAWD.

I wonder if he’ll just be that side character that adds monologueing humor though…

More game stuff, interesting.

You navigate the hallway leery of your DAD, who is presently puzzling over the new fixture in his hallway. 

I’d be flipping if I saw my bathtub in the middle of the bloody hallway. “THE FUCK’S THIS SHIT?” 

The perfect crime.

TT…

If only he knew you were hard at work saving his ass. 

Oh right, meteor. :(

— tentacleTherapist [TT] is no longer connected! —
EB: uh…

Oh no.

The bathtub’s now stucking him in his room, joy. 2 minutes!

And suddenly…

Flighty Broad. Wait a minute didn’t this happen with John? What’s with this world.

Rose Lalonde. Ooh.

Oh geez.

I’ve yet to understand the dire need to switch perspective when there’s A METEOR HEADING STRAIGHT FOR JOHN albeit slowly.

Okay so, thanks to someone ‘rebloging’ one of my posts with a message, I finally realized that the Ask Box thingimajig wasn’t even opened.

I finally figured out how, so it’s opened now, I guess. Just, please don’t send spoilers. If I see anything as close to regarding a single “uh what” I’ll ignore it, or maybe I won’t even know that it’s a spoiler. Accidents happen, but please be discreet if this applies to any of you.

So his life is now that of a building game. At home. Stuck.

More stuff about shit that makes almost no sense that I’m guessing is for the game. Maybe it’s similar to crafting or something, with the building theme.

You have no idea what to do with this thing. You can’t find any controls for it.

Having exhausted all other possibilities, you just decide to stand on it.

This isn’t very cautious of you, actually.

 I would totally do that too.

Because staring directly into the sun through a telescope is perfectly safe.

Oh god.

EB: what was that noise?
EB: is this something i should go investigate?
TT: No, I have it under control.
TT: You can keep playing with your telescope.

 Haha oh geez.

EB: augh!
TT: I think I can patch it up.
TT: Just give me a little space.
TT: Why don’t you go have a look at the Cruxtruder?
EB: the what?
TT: The thing I put in your living room.

 Hmm.

It’s official, the kid’s a monkey isn’t he.

Ooh more GG! Yeah she seems like the really cheerful type.

GG: whats sburb??
EB: oh, it is this game.
EB: it’s ok i guess. i’m still figuring it out.
GG: whoa what was that?????
EB: what was what?
GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!
GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!
EB: wow, really?
GG: i will go outside and look….
EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?
GG: i will! :)

Not. Even. Scared.

EB: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door?
TT: There’s a door there?
EB: um, YEAH???
TT: I didn’t see it.
TT: I just thought it fit nicely into that groove.
EB: you mean you thought it was elegant?
EB: ok well what do i do with this thing.
EB: hello?
EB: what are you doing up there now?

Haha.

So, I guess TT is the second main character, despite bein gintroduced 3rd? Obviously John is the main character for now.

TT: Oh fuck.

AHAHAHA THAT TUB. But seriously how is he going to go do his business now.

On the tub’s journey to the driveway, the connection is interrupted.

 Well fuck.

EB: you can see me, right.
EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.

AHAHAHA HOLY SHIT JOHN. 

TT: I would look for a stronger signal in another part of the house, but I’d rather not risk an encounter with my mother.
TT: I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening.
EB: haha, yeah I hear you.
TT: Yes. Cake, jesters, unfaltering love and support.
TT: Quite a road to hoe there.
TT: Though I suppose I’m complicit for not informing Social Services about your situation.

Oh geez TT is sarcastic to the max with words to spill.

East coast? OKay so yes, America, on the east coast. I guess John is somehwere *not* there then. So internet friends only?

 

EB: what is this thing?
EB: and what is that clock counting down to?
TT: I’ve been looking at the GameFAQ walkthroughs to figure some of this stuff out.
TT: Hold while I read further.

Amazing.

But wtf is that? Some sort of pet? And it’s counting down from 4:13. minutes I’m assuming. 

Diverted to more sylladex modus silliness, curses.

ABSOLUTELY.

FUCKIN.

ASTOUNDING.

Ba dum psch.

But seriously, isn’t that dangerous?

A bunch of crap started flying around. This is silly.

Because playing with glass shards makes all the perfect sense.

Good for John that he got THE bunny.

TT: I’ve heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now.

Oh gawd does TT actually talk like this?

OOH PLOT DEVELOPMENT. LETS GET THIS GOING.

Sweet music, I hope more of this continues. So much anticipation.

Wait that’s it. Okay. Oh hey it’s a popup window.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

EB: whoa, what are you doing??
TT: Sorry. I’m just getting a feel for the controls.
EB: is my magic chest on the roof now??
TT: Yes.
EB: :(
TT: I will try to be more careful next time.

 AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK !? DID HE JUST TURN HIS LIFE INTO A GAME.

EB: hey, do you think you could do me a favor?
EB: can you grab all that stuff outside my broken window and bring it in for me?
TT: I’ll give it a shot.
EB: thx!
TT: No luck.
TT: It appears to be out of range. I’m guessing it is too far away from you, the “player”.
EB: :C

I guess…

Haha John. I see your arm there.

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It’s the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon’s faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

“Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.” -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

You have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.

 I have now finally been introduced to what I believe to be Homestuck’s official introduction page…

…along with text that makes barely any sense, though I’m hoping it has to do with some kind of plot that’s not just… well, a kid stuck at home. Yeah.

The door is locked and your DAD has the CAR KEYS. You peer in through the driver’s side window.

You don’t see any mail, but you do see a GREEN PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper.

Could these items have come in the mail? You don’t see anything else that’s usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your DAD forgot to take this stuff inside.

 Well boo, there goes the plot.

John’s Dad bakes, interesting.

Dad has arms, but no face. Is this going to be a normal thing?

[s] STRIFE

HOLY SHIT. GUYS THIS MUSIC. THIS MUSSSSSSSSIC. Oh I can click. John why are you hitting your dad with a hammer… Okay I don’t think there’s anything else to do here.

What’s up with Dad and pastry…

John: Equip disguise for defense.

I give up trying to understand. 

Sassacre you beautiful bastard.

Now’s your chance!!!

Ahaha I love the wording sometimes.

Why is John taking cakes? I thought he hated it?

Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CAKES. Why don’t you think these things through first?? 

If only this made any sense. GG. 

Ooh now introduced to GG gardenGnostic! And to think the previously typed “GG” was meant to be “good game/going”. They sound happy.

Oh gawk. So GG and TT are female? I guess TG is male then.

BREAKING THE STORY’S OWN STORYMAKER’S STORY. The Midnight Crew.

You decide it’s time for less meta, and more beta.

You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA.

ALRIGHT TIME FOR ACTUAL PLOT?

What the fuck is this.

The fuck.

Nanna :(

Oh hell no

Oh gawk it’s another harlequin. 

Well that’s one way to clean up the mess, with hax captchalogueing.

You just got another BRILLIANT idea for something to do with those pointless arms. You pry them out of the CAKE and captchalogue them.

…

3rd/4th wall of room, that’s a lot of posters.

Ooh introducing to tentacleTherapist (okay seriously that name?)

Purple. And good syntax. And… a lot of words. Reminds me of me when I start getting rambly with monol-

OH GAWK haha. Nice.

John: Throw present wrap in fire.

As long as you’re cleaning up…

John no…

John: Captchalogue captchalogue card.

what.

WHOA MUSIC. JOHN CAN PLAY PIANO !? This is pretty cool, at least the kid’s not a total derpy 13yo.

You play the prankster’s favorite card game, even though you are alone in the room, thus rendering it an especially foolish version of Solitaire.

SO STUPID. Look at this mess.

The peanut gallery over there sure is getting a kick out of it. You are allergic to their scorn.

Aw he’s allergic to peanuts.

Back in the living room, the commercial about ectocooler. There’s another ecto word again.

Back home; More reading of Homestuck.

Whoa what’s this ___kind thing? Strife Specibus? lol dumbbellkind.

Permanent?

Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience.

I… guess.

Absolutely.

Astounding.

The cards are making little sense but sure okay I’ve long given up trying to logic this out.

OH COGS CLOWNS HARLEQUINS. What’s wrong with Betty Crocker? Isn’t that some sort of baking thing.

John noooo you’ll start a house fire! It’s not even all the way in… But what’s in the present! ooooh.